Fish and.............

Fish and...............

Lunch time in the works canteen was always hectic. Men everywhere bickering and bantering, chomping on their cheese sarnies and smoking their fags. Ever starving Mark was looking forward to his favourite choice of sardine and cucumber, made with such great care by his beautiful, sexy (writers licence) Pauline. He ate a couple and began on his third. For crying out loud what's this? Gristle? In sardines? He pulled the sarnie away from his mouth and as he did so a thin, black strap dangled from his mouth. He took the strap from his mouth, leaving it hanging from the sardines.

 

By then he had the attention of the whole canteen. The men stared, wondering what the hell it was.  Red-faced, but with sense of wonderment……. … and possibly a sense of doom, Mark pulled once more. Out of the sarnie he'd pulled a very small, very tarty, black and red g-string. The one, some of you may remember that used to hang on my extensive gin bottle collection on the hearth.

It was my little surprise, I had thought it would boost his street cred but I can tell you by the end of that day at the office I began to panic in case it all went wrong. After all, Mark was (he’s learnt ;) very shy and quiet in those days and he might have been very upset. I became so worried I was dreading getting home, picturing him telling me ‘don’t ever do that again, I was the laughing stock etc etc!’ Honestly, I was really that worried. Even more so when I found he hadn’t arrived home before me as was usual. When he did come in I anxiously waited for him to say something, anything about the bloody knickers but he didn’t. What he did do is act normally, saying ‘ello and putting his lunch box on the side ready to be washed and refilled. I opened it to find a sandwich still in there and if you knew Mark this was never done so I couldn’t say nothing but oh god, what do I say? I asked him why he hadn’t eaten all his sandwiches, he replied he just hadn’t been hungry. And that was the sandwich that had the g-string in, still! So hadn’t he seen it? Was it all for nothing? What had happened that fateful lunch time I wondered? Is he having me on now or what? I couldn’t ask because I had to be sure he wasn’t trying to trick me.

Next thing I knew was we had to go to his mother’s for some reason or other. While he was out of the room his mother asked me what was wrong with him. Apparently she knew something was up because he kept walking about and wouldn’t sit down. All of a sudden he has to go out to the car and when he came back in he gathered all his family around, mother, step-dad, sister, aunt and me saying he wanted to make an announcement. Oh bloody hell. Oh double bloody hell.

He said, “This is for the woman who put a g-string in my sarnies for all and sundry to see as I took a bite!”

Oh bloody hell – again! And look at their faces!! Oh hell. Oh hell. Oh hell.

Then with a flourish he handed me a great big bunch of flowers and with a big grin on his face said, “ For the woman I love very much”.

Aaah. His street cred went up J and we are living happy ever after. Together J